Dreamer

音乐

2011-06-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

(听着音乐，摸索自己，就写了下来)

音乐与我。。。

不知从何说起，也不知何时发生的，

就这样，和音乐系上了缘。。。

小时候，

常听一些歌，

听哥哥弹琴，

跟哥哥们听一些我们都喜欢的歌，

一起听，一起背歌词，一起哼着我们熟悉的歌曲。。。

可能也因为这样，我们也来也像兄弟。

又或者，也许是因为能和他们一起听音乐，不知不觉地欣赏到音乐带来的欢乐。

音乐，

只要我听得舒服、顺耳，

听得到歌词的含义，

听得到歌的旋律，

听到旋律的意境，

听到脑海里的自己，

听到自己的内心深处，

就够了。。。

还记得，

First Love by Utada Hikaru

是一首我不知道要如何不去听的第一首歌。。。

虽然不能了解歌词的意思，但歌曲的旋律。。。一句话--- 赞！！！

听歌时:

喜欢鸡皮疙瘩的感觉，

喜欢顿时陶醉在歌的旋律中的感觉，

喜欢在孤单时，有首歌的陪伴，

喜欢在无助时，从歌中找到勇气，勇敢的站起来，

喜欢在迷惑时，从歌里找到自己。

喜欢在绝望的边沿，从歌中找到希望，找到曙光，

喜欢听歌听到不知觉地流泪。。。

音乐，

真的很奇妙。

它是一种感觉，

也是一种感情；

它是一种记忆，

也是一种回忆；

它是一种摸不着的旋律，

也是一种能让你看到自己的音调。

音乐，

是一位老师，教导自己认清自己；

是一面镜子，反映了自己，

是隐藏着的自己，等待被发掘，

是内心深处的自己，等待被发现。。。

人生若无音乐，肯定枯燥乏味；

人生若无音乐，那不是人生。。。

我发现，

我已爱上了音乐。。。

Sadness

2010-02-18T08:38:00.000-08:00

Sad...

Sadness....

By looking at the word 'SAD', an undescribeable feeling emerges from nowhere....
no one can perfectly define sadness in words or gestures as it brings deeper meanings than it looks...
but to describe 'Sadness' in short, we can acknowledge it as the absence of happiness.

One can only feels it when one is IN it.

In life, there is no way one can escape oneself from sadness....
even for an optimistic or a cheerful or even a happy-go-lucky guy, one will suffer from sadness, for sure....
and, sadness brings along discouragement, disappointment, anger and other negative emotions.

Inevitably, those negatives thoughts or emotions will give rise to sadness......forming a vicious cycle.....

I feel sad when I'm not with my family,
this sadness is known as Home-sick.
Without family members around me, I feel insecure and helpless....
I'm independent, but not emotionally....as my family is my support, my everything....
I'm brave, but I still afraid of losing my family...especially my parents......
I'm optimistic, but my mood swings along with my family.....
Aww, what to do? I'm a Cancer.

I feel sad when I could not get the result that I want,
even thought I've told myself result is nothing but numbers and grades....
but it seems like I just cannot get through it.
There are voices deep within myself, asking and asking....
Why others can score better than me?
Why I'm not the one with an A??
Why my result just can't get any better???
and why I'm so tagged by my result????

I feel sad when I'm betrayed.
No one likes to be betrayed, I guess.
Betrayal is like cheating, lying, taking advantages of one and dump one like rubbish.
Wouldn't it be better if we treat each other nicely, take care of others' feelings like our own?

"Damn, I'm surrounded!

I'm surrounded by sadness. I can't escape from sadness. Does this make me a 'Sadist'?

Why my life is surrounded by such negative energy??

Oh man, my life is full of darkness!"

For most of my time, I'm dwelling in these stupid thoughts, trying to get out from there but caught up in the end. Man, what's wrong with me??

Finally, I realize that - it's all inside my head.

All because of me :

being a weakling, mentally and emotionally ;

being a crybaby when a challenge appears ;

being blinded by negative forces ;

being stupid and blaming others for my misfortune ;

being pampered and losing of hope easily ;

being fooled by my own short-sighted ; and

being attached and forget to let go....

I know, I know,

I already know nothing is perfect in this world,

and because of this, we have to learn,

learn how to accept the fact, and not twisting it or avoiding it,

learn the way the Earth moves as well as the law of nature.......

So,

All I need to do, is to let go....

Change my mind and thoughts,

and of course, change my view towards everything....

and hopefully, there will be no sadness around me,

just tranquility and peace.....

复杂

2009-09-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

复杂？
反复的杂乱？
心灵上的？理念上的？社会上的？
还是，只是纯粹的-不简单？

有些人，千方百计想拥有自己喜爱的东西。
有些人，绞尽脑汁想要摆脱自己讨厌的东西。
有些人，用尽办法想得到一件物品；得到后，又想尽方法甩掉它。
当初的冲动与如今的结局，预料内或外，你会坚持开始或结束？？

某些人发现喜欢的人，会默默的暗恋着对方，
脑袋里有着很多的想法，他们：
抱着：“希望他会注意到我”，
抱着：“我们是没有可能的，作好朋友就够了”
或，抱着：“只希望能在背后默默的支持他就行了”的态度。
那么，
暗恋=羡慕？仰慕？自我虐待？还是自我陶醉？

某些人发现喜欢的人，会大胆的追求对方，展开一系列的示爱攻势，
各种出其不意的招式，夸张大胆或罗曼蒂克，就为了想有一场轰轰烈烈的爱情。

爱情，是为了让周遭的朋友羡慕？还是，想得到大家的注意与称赞？

如果说爱情靠的是一份真心，那又为何不单单只展露出你那份未装饰的‘真心’呢？

某些人发现喜欢的人，会偷偷的向对方暗示，希望对方能了解他的用意；

偷偷的，

就是不想直接与对方面对面示爱，

不想遭到对方直接的拒绝，

更不想让瘦小的心灵受到挫折。

但，同时间里，

又担心对方不明白，

怕对方误会，
甚至担心会让对方反感，连朋友都没得当。

暗示与明示的最终目标不都一样吗？
为何要让自己受苦？让自己活在忐忑不安之下？

人生短短几十年，怎么活出自己的生活，因人而异。
在有生之年，活出个精彩人生：
事业有成，
获得最高荣誉，
成为世界首富、拥有用不尽的荣华富贵等。
转眼间，人老了，之前所努力过的，将成为回忆及历史。
无论拥有再多的物质享受，一切都只能‘曾经拥有’。

有些人，
在人生的道路上，觉得简简单单的过就行了，
无忧无虑地，
安静地感受这世界的转动与变迁，
默默地在一旁，看着周遭事物，随着时间的摧残而渐渐衰落。
真的能够简简单单走完一生吗？
这是潇洒？还是懒惰？

现实社会，是复杂的。
无论我们活得多简单，生活里还是有着那么一丝的复杂。
生活中的简单与复杂，只限于执著与放下。

但要晓得，
执著不代表固执，
放下不代表放弃。

父母

2009-07-01T08:12:00.000-07:00

也许有一天，当某人随口向你问道：“ 你的生命里，谁最重要？”
你可能回答说是爱人或男女朋友，
往往都会把父母给遗忘了。

但，父母，毕竟还是我们身边最亲最密的家人。。。

打从我们还在妈妈的肚子里，
妈妈怀胎十月，忍受怀胎时的疼痛，
就是希望我们能健健康康的出世。
她，
给了我们生命，
给了我们希望，
带我们来到这个世界。

从哺育幼儿到启蒙教育，
父母，真的是做足了准备与牺牲。

爸爸，
身为一家之主，
不但得扛起赚钱养家的重任，
还得时时刻刻配合我们的上学表，再送我们上学放学。
这些，
我们都知道，
我们都晓得，
但，我们却少了说声：“谢谢。”

妈妈，
为我们三餐忙碌，
简简单单的几样家常便饭，
也许比不上餐馆的鱼翅燕窝，
有时，太咸、太甜、或者太辣，
我们都会嫌东嫌西。
但，
我们都忘了，
妈妈花了多少时间去想下一餐的菜肴，
花了多少心血去准备材料，
花了多少汗水去煮一道菜。
我们也忘了，
我们感恩的心。

长大了，
学业繁忙，
课外活动繁多，
人际关系变得复杂，
压力也随着而来。

但，父母的爱心与关怀却是永恒不变的。

当遇到课业问题，想问父母，
但，担心他们不会回答；
问了结果父母却不会，
我们骂他们笨，骂他们不懂装懂。
父母静了。

当活动压力太大时，
我们变得脾气暴躁，
露出叛逆性格，
向父母发泄，
向他们展露出不孝的一面。
父母一句话都不说。

当遇到感情上的事，
父母的关心与关怀，
我们觉得好烦、好吵。
父母的慰问，
更是让我们冷眼相对。
父母静静的走开。

难道，父母错了吗？
不，错的是我们。

我们竟然把辛辛苦苦养育我们的父母当发泄品；
把他们的关爱当成耳边风；
把他们当佣人看待，呼之着来，挥之着散；
把他们的一切当理所当让之事；

我们究竟把他们这些年所牺牲的时间与精神当成什么？
我们何时聆听过父母的烦恼？
我们又何时慰问过父母的生活点滴？
我们有没有顾虑到父母的感受呢？

有时候，我们真的得停下脚步。
望望父母的背影，
看看时间在他们身体上的摧残。
你会发现，
父母已不再年轻。

父母的白发多了几根，
父母的皱纹跑了出来，
父母的皮肤粗糙了，
父母的记忆已不胜从前。
我们发现了吗？
我们看到了吗？
还是我们只为了追逐自己的梦想，而把在旁默默支持我们的父母给遗忘了？

试问，
我们是否曾经对父母说过：“谢谢你, 爸爸, 妈妈” ？
或，
我们是否曾经对父母说过：“ 对不起，爸爸妈妈。让你们担心了。”？
或者，
我们是否曾经对父母说过：“我爱你, 爸爸, 妈妈” ?

树欲静而风不止，子欲养而亲不再。
不要等到父母不在了，才想要报答他们的养育之恩。
不要等到一切已晚时，才后悔当初忘了说声：“ 我爱你，爸爸妈妈。”
不要等到一切都太迟了，才想要弥补以前的过错。
因为，这一切将会太迟、太迟。。。。

Betrayal

2009-06-23T22:19:00.000-07:00

To the person....
who helps me to grow,
who helps me to realize the reality, and
who wakes me up from my naivety.
Thanks a lot, pal.

Ever since, my life has changed....

Here is a story of a little boy,
his life was good,
friends around him,
teachers liked him,
he actually lived in happiness and it seemed he was going to have a wonderful childhood memory for the rest of his life,
until........
K appeared.

He and K became good friends in a short while.
Nothing's wrong between them and everything seemed just normal.
They chit-chatted, laughed together, joined some competitions together and of course, having fun together. Really, everything seemed so normal.
This was what the little boy thought of.
How naive is he....

Things changed after the 1st year of friendship.....

Just he thought he could finished his primary education in joy, or maybe in peace,
*puff* - an annoyed wake-up call woke him up from his sweet, chocolate dreams.

Teachers started to look at him differently, as if he did something bad. Not one, but a few teachers.
The little boy, naively thought that maybe he was just being over-sensitive. Everything was fine. Things come to the worst when he was accused of something he had never done.
Being called into teacher's office - "ok....maybe teachers just want him to do some tasks. No worries." he thought.

1st expression from the teacher - TROUBLE!!!!
1st word came out from the teacher - MORE TROUBLE!!!
Accusation of being unfair, bias and prejudice,
Accusation of the incompetence and incapable of being a leader,
blah blah blah.......
But, all he could think of was........NOTHING!!!
His mind was blank and totally lost.
Helplessly, he cried and explained. And he knew, the teacher was never on his side. So, he ran out.....

This is the moment, the little boy understood the feeling of being accused of something he had never done. The feelings of being set up, or to be precise, betrayed. He never, ever thought that he would face this situation here, and at this age.

What happened actually???
Oh, it started just because of a stupid and meaningless basketball friendly match between opposite sexes. Girl's team scored 1 point but K and his friends denied it as it was said to be fault. To avoid conflict, the little boy stood up and clarified that it was actually not a 'fault'. And due to his "kepo-ness", story begun....

Silly, isn't it? A "friendly" basketball match = A trigger point of "betrayal"?
How amusing.....

"It's ok, Maybe this is just a misunderstanding. He couldn't be so bad and he will never do this type of things," silly self-calming methods done by the little boy.

Stepped into the class, K started to laugh at him. Together with some of his friends, they insulted and mocked him heartlessly. The rest of the classmates seemed started to believe the accusations and looked down on him.

"What happened? "
"Why they knew?? "
"Why everyone despite me???"
"Why my friends do this to me????"

NOW, only he realized, he was wrong all this time. K, a good friend??? Nah....wake up, dude!

Thanks to K, little boy broke down.
He cried for 2-3 days. He really did.
A kid, 12-year-old, breaking down and crying for 3 days.....Cool....

And that time was near final exam,
as a result, he did badly in his final exam.
Bad enough to let others look down on him again.
Bad enough to despised by his classmates.
Bad enough to let teachers feel that he had become a bad boy.

Again, he cried.

How on earth can K do this??
Does K know that the little boy cannot take this type of joke at the age of 12??
Does K know that friendship means a lot to the little boy??
Does K know that the feeling of betrayal hurts??
Does K know that this will break the little boy's fragile heart into pieces??
Does K know that this will leave a scar on the boy's heart, permanently??
Apparently, K doesn't know. Perhaps he doesn't want to know.

Thanks to K,
An innocent little boy changed drastically overnight.
He is unable to befriend easily, as he used to.
He lost his ability to talk heart-to-heart to his friends. Everytimes, when there is a chance to open up his chest and have a soul-sharing session with his friends, he shut it up. He is still harrassed and haunted by his past. An unforgettable one.
He is having difficulty to trust his friends whole-heartedly.
He sometimes, contrastly, will believe his friends until even being bullied, he endured it and keep telling himself, " maybe friendship is like this?"
He lost his confidence and had chosen a path of being coward. Hiding himself away from reality. Hiding himself so that he won't be hurt again.

Do you know the feeling when you are really scare of being betrayed again, but still, you need friends in your life and this leave you no choices but to trust your friends, even just for once. Complicated. Confused. And, it is struggling.

However, thanks to family's supports and some true friends the little boy made from that incident, he learnt to 'recover' from his past and move on. Little by little, step by step and he believes, one day, maybe one day, he could walk away from the dark clouds, away from the past and stride towards the rainbow after the rain.........hopefully.